In the midst of the finite universe, I find myself alone, brushed by the silence of the zephyr, to the sight of forgetfulness.

--abby

Let me tell you something.

Smoking is unhealthy not necessarily bad. Philosophy is crazy, so are you. Life is full of shit but great. And you abby is not necessarily broken, you can still be fixed. This dilemma is insane so are you who is writing this. Its over. You should have known before you create this.  

Tanga.

 

looking tired from your journey
how are you feeling now
that you have arrived
from the other side
where you were
silently waiting

from dust you come
here you are today
wherever you walk
to the Sacred Diary we go
love's ripple resounding

Hiya  Hello  Hello Baby

with the spotlight in your eye
the harsh stark reality
you are with me now
you will always be
until you walk away

--Cynthia Alexander

Knowing There is only Now

 i tend to overlook the things that you are doing for me, yes i know dat and im guilty. i haven't notice that time has gone so fast it didn't even gave me the chance to look beyond the past months with you and try to think clearly for the future. i have always been in control towards my feeling and emotions from the very start. maybe in this relationship i have loosen the grip. i have loosen the ties and let a man enter the passionate side of me. it scares me that i can't even control it. that there are times i just find myself needing not only wanting to text you even in the wee hours of the night. that sometimes what philo taught me has just gotten with the flow of the dirt in the air. i dont want to loose the selfishness in me. i always believe that i need to detach myself from everyone else, that includes even the man i trusted my life with. yes, i trusted you my life. it sucks when you know that you are already bound with a certain person. that you cannot find your way home because you dont want to. my mister do you understand this? i hope yes. i know i am a complicated person. not the usual miss that will do the usual stuffs for their partner. i never intended to be usual anyway. i never hide you the real me. now is the chance to apologize to you for the times that i lack the certain kind of affectioness and sweetness that you are used to. i know im not sweet. i know im not the kind of girl that will allow you to carry my bag and thank you dearly for carrying it for me. i know im not the kind of girl that will thank you for walking me home and will kiss your cheek as a sign of gratitude. im not that kind of girl and i will never be that kind of girl. i can see in your eyes that youre disappointed. i tried to overcome it by saying to myself that i never walk in to your life to please you neither i offer myself to you. but im doing my best. because yes, i really do love you. friends keep asking me if i do love you and i will always reply yes i do. you will humbly ask me if i do love you, and i will say yes i do. because i really do. im not lying when i told that to you. you are the guy i really want, the guy i can spend my whole lifetime with, with a good book and a cup of coffee. a guy i can elope with. yes mister, i accepted you. the wholeness in you. i have loved every inch of your imperfection. i have loved the slight distortions on your face. your hilarious accent. i loved the white hair growing in your head (even you scrape them all). i have loved your lips always soaked in the nicotine of your cigarette. i loved your eyes that glows even in the midst of the empty bottle of red horse. i have loved you. everything in you. more than anyone else in this lifetime.